In the previous article I discussed “What is Karezza?
In Lloyds book the description of the practice is quite vague. This is because it’s not about technique or a goal driven encounter, instead it’s a relaxation and connection process of ‘not doing.’
The practice is similar to experiencing a deep meditative state.
As LLoyd puts it ” The Lover is the Artist in Touch.
Karezza in its perfect, form is natural marriage — that clinging, satisfied union of body and soul which true love ever craves and in which ideal marriage consists — and with every repetition of the act the lovers are remarried, their unity renewed, deepened, intensified.”
The gentleman who introduced me to the Karezza method shared his insights below on how to properly practice Karezza.
To be able to fully understand the Karezza method the couple must first start with mental and spiritual values.
They must agree that they do not wish to have an orgasm and that there is a greater spiritual and physical unity of emotional bliss to be obtained without it.
Think more about your love than your passion. Translate your sex passion as much as possible into heart-passion.
Be sensitively alive to the charm of your lover’s tones, touch and smells.
The emphasis is put on love, adoration and affection, which allows the couple to stay away from the edge of orgasm.
Why Foreplay Doesn’t Work For Karezza
We commonly refer to foreplay as building each other’s anticipation with orgasm being the goal.
The pleasures of Karezza, however, do not rely on the rewards that come from approaching one’s own orgasm or inducing it in a lover.
Instead the pleasures come from rewarding feelings of mutual adoration and generous touch. Instead of foreplay, what do we do when we get into bed?
First bond with each other by laying in a comfortable position and gently caressing, or holding one another as you kiss.
After some time slow penetration begins. Developing some structure helps, because ingrained habits are not easily changed.
Time and Space
Choose a time when both of you can be alone, unhurried and free from interruptions. Be sure the room is warm, the surroundings are pleasant and esthetic.
When You Feel You Are Losing Control
If you sense yourself or your partner slipping into performance mode while making love, pull back into relaxation with deeper and longer breaths from your abdomen.
Deep abdominal breathing reverses the increased muscular tension and the urge to restrict breathing that coincide with the buildup to orgasm.
Slow Sex – How Slow is Slow?
It’s best to begin in a position that doesn’t allow for much movement, because it’s easy to slip into familiar sex. The point of Karezza is moving very slowly and at times falling into complete stillness.
This is where a lot of magical and gratifying experiences can occur. As a result the lovemaking goes in waves, much like breathing. Erections also come and go.
Communicate the wordless sounds of pleasure and touch whenever you feel it.
There are times when you will fall asleep while your penis is still inside her. Waking up in the morning is so enjoyable because you never “finished.”
The feeling of joy, playfulness and staying connected lasts all day.
How Karezza Relieves Sexual Tension
Because the practice of Karezza emphasizes non-goal-oriented sex, it activates the body’s relaxation response.
In contrast, for a man ejaculatory sex is a function of the fight-or-flight (sympathetic nervous system) response, particularly when his survival is at stake.
Biologically driven sex is exactly that – you are in performance mode, doing what needs to be done to survive through passing on your genes. It also happens to feel very good.
This powerful drive produces orgasms, but not necessarily the profound feelings of safety or desire to remain close to your partner.
The body “reads” bonding behaviors (like Karezza) as signals for feeling safe and getting closer.
How Long Does It Take To Feel The Benefits?
Karezza can be a bit like watching paint dry at first. It does not produce rapid, obvious results (like a new foreplay technique might).
The gentleman also suggested that it’s best to try Karezza for at least three weeks to compare the benefits of it with regular sex.
The effects of Karezza are cumulative.
The changes are so natural that it’s easy to miss the link between the practice of Karezza and the changes you will experience.
For example: you might feel a growing sense of joy and optimism, connectedness with others and your surroundings and being in the state of ‘flow.’
When you are starting out, it’s not important for a man to penetrate deep into the woman’s vagina.
What’s important is to learn how to be fully relaxed, open, and still. You’ve got to get your body use to being inside her without wanting to ejaculate and thrust hard.
The gentleman suggested avoiding the missionary position, because for most men this triggers the ejaculation/mating sex urge.
Woman on top is perfectly fine, but her movements have to be extremely slow. Side to side works well too. Any position is okay as long as you can relax, stay comfortable and avoid any kind of tension.
Karezza is a return to equilibrium.
For some people that may mean taking a nap throughout the day, for others, it will mean an increased libido.
Either way, Karezza is not an attempt to recreate the intensity of honeymoon neurochemistry.
The energy it produces is not “edgy,” but rather “lighthearted.”
Cover Image By|Hari-Lualhati