If you haven’t heard of the term ‘orgasm gap’ also known as the ‘pleasure gap’ here is a quick definition from Wikipedia.
The short answer: Majority of women NOT experiencing orgasms during sex with men.
The first time I heard this term, I immediately had a few questions and thoughts.
- How can there be an orgasm gap when the clitoris and all other ‘spots’ have been there all along?
- From an evolutionary perspective it may be true that men have more ‘orgasms’ because if he doesn’t ejaculate then the human species doesn’t continue, whereas a woman’s orgasm is purely for her pleasure with no evolutionary consequences.
However, the ‘orgasm gap’ is an incomplete argument since it’s only based on the thinking that a man only has one type of orgasm which is – ejaculation.
What about the men who have studied Ancient Sexual practices and have trained their bodies to have full body orgasms without Ejaculation?
- Are these studies measuring casual hookups or short/ long term relationships?
- What are some of the barriers for women not experiencing orgasm during sex?
- Body Image
- Religious Beliefs
- Not Feeling Safe
- Lack of self worth
- Insensitive lover (s)
- No body awareness
- No knowledge/Education
- No Sexual Communication Training
- No proper stimulation during foreplay
- Not knowing how to relate to the feeling of letting go
- More into giving their partner pleasure instead of also receiving
- Not understanding the importance of breathing and relaxation vs. tension.
Science, Lies & Suppression
There is no shortage of anatomical misinformation that has existed and still exists in Science when it comes to Female Sexuality
Today, the scientific community is still busy debating whether female ejaculation is urine or not.
And for millennia’s the scientific community suppressed, discovered and re-discovered the clitoris.
In 1561 Gabriele Falloppio a catholic priest and anatomist described the clitoris and highlighted the fact that “modern anatomists have entirely neglected it.”
One of his very well-known colleagues at the time Andreas Vesalius who wrote one the most influential books on human anatomy said “it was a new and useless part that had no function in healthy women.”
In the 17th century Regnier De Graaf provided a full description of the clitoris to no avail. His work was dismissed and suppressed.
And let’s not forget Freud’s famous statement about clitoris orgasms being immature. Any woman who didn’t transfer her center of sensitivity to the vagina “he” labeled as frigid.
I can’t help but wonder if his comment was the launch of the “Faking Orgasms” movement.
Thank goodness for pioneers like Dr. Helen O’Connell who’s breakthrough work in revealing the true extent of the clitoris’ size and complexity through MRI.
And to the artist Sophia Wallace who’s beautiful art is inspiring and educating current and future generations to come.
Myth & True Pleasure
As I got older and wiser, I stopped believing in the myth that a woman’s sexuality is complicated.
What’s complicated is the lack of knowledge, self – awareness and barriers to orgasm many women have inherited from cultural or religious beliefs that keep her ignorant of her capacity to experience limitless pleasure.
I, among thousands of men and women I’ve spoken to over the years discovered their beautiful pleasure areas when they were kids.
How we choose to experience pleasure is our responsibility – we shouldn’t rely on Hollywood romance, porn, science to tell us what our sexual expressions and pleasure should look and feel like since it’s our own unique blueprint.
Naming and understanding how our anatomy functions is important, but sex isn’t about science, sex is about curiosity.
I’ve put a list of great books on the topic of male and female pleasure.