For nearly a year I was looking for a trusted Tantra Masseur (man or woman). This is one of the many categories where Google wouldn’t be a trusted source.
Eventually a friend of a friend recommended a practitioner in London with whom she previously had a session.
A few months later I was in London and decided to call him to setup an appointment.
I asked the following questions:
Q: What does this type of massage involve? Is it only going to be done with your hands or does it involve other body parts? (i.e. mouth, penis)
A: Every client’s needs are different, but it’s all about your safety and comfort. It’s manual massage and stimulation, and I am fully clothed throughout the entire session.
Q: How Long Does This Type of Massage Take?
A: Plan on being here for about 5-6 hours. The first hour is talking and getting to know each other.
Then for about 3 hours I will give you a body massage to open all the energy points in your body and finally we will do the yoni massage the last hour.
Q: How long Have You Been Doing This?
A: I have over 20 years of experience and I’ve worked with over 3,000 women.
Q: Safety is my number one priority, I have never done this before, are there any other important details you would like to share? I am not a fan of surprises.
A: My approach is to make all my clients feel safe, secure, confident, and relaxed. The important thing is that you have to feel relaxed.
Sounded good to me, so I scheduled a session 2 days later. The following day I got my period.
I called and asked if we can still do the session, he said only the body work, but not the yoni massage, so I gave my appointment to my friend and told her to enjoy it.
The next day I couldn’t wait to see her for breakfast hear about her experience. She said she loved it, her exact words were, “my garden is finally open.”
I was so excited for her I asked her to share her experience in detail – she was a bit hesitant. She told me how much she enjoyed the massage, but wouldn’t share all the details.
Something didn’t sound or feel right. From her body language, I can tell she was hesitant to share “all” the details.
Eventually she said, she touched and massaged his penis because he asked her to and she did because she felt turned on after the massage.
My eyes widened – she said it was fun and I really enjoyed doing it back to him.
I was excited to finally meet him in person and possibly schedule a session during the week when we had free time.
By the time I got around to making an appointment he was fully booked.
I asked again the following day if he had availability? He said he can squeeze me in for a 3 hour session in the afternoon, I agreed.
When I got to the room, he asked me to rinse off. After rinsing we sat facing each other and did a traditional bow of mutual respect.
At this point our phone conversation was very fresh in my memory and I was booking for a yoni massage. Everything ‘seemed’ to be clear.
He asked me to lie on my stomach and he started the massage. When we got to the last hour he began doing the yoni massage.
About 30 minutes into the yoni massage I was mostly relaxed, felt a bit cold and was doing my best to enjoy the massage.
Suddenly, I felt his tongue on my yoni. He was giving me oral sex.
My eyes immediately opened in panic and I had a mix of emotions brewing inside me. I was so confused and wasn’t sure how to react.
I was having a very serious dialogue in my head. Do I just lay back and enjoy this, or do I punch him in the face because he’s clearly overstepping boundaries we had discussed and agreed upon.
He ruined the entire session. I immediately felt uncomfortable, unsafe and didn’t trust him anymore.
I completely shut down. I was over it and ready to run out of there. I felt even more confused while deciding how to deal with this situation.
I finally said it’s time to end this session and ran off to take a shower. I was confused – part of me was furious, but the other part of me wanted to understand why he decided to do this?
A few hours later after I calmed down, I asked him why he did that? It wasn’t what we had agreed to.
He said, “I felt you have an intimacy block in your third chakra.”
I said “I may have an intimacy block right now, but your mouth is definitely not going to fix that, in fact you just made it worse.
You clearly crossed the boundaries of what we had agreed to and that is NOT okay” and I walked away.
What I didn’t know at the time is that he’d been to jail twice for crossing boundaries. I also realized throughout the week of our training how delusional some people are in this space.
They twist every questionable action into “you need healing or I felt it would benefit you.”
Multiple people have complained about his behavior and his wrong doing, but management until today chooses to ignore it and he’s still practicing there.
Unfortunately, there are many charlatans in this space using the name “Tantra Massage” to provide escort services and all sorts of other services that don’t fall into the category of a real tantric massage.
I have no issues with anyone providing any sexual services, as long as it’s not masked under the name Tantra or any other spiritual work.
Luckily, this incident didn’t leave me with a wound, however I can imagine how some people could be traumatized from such an experience.
As I continue to study different Tantric linages, I realize how the Tantric path is less about sexuality and being a great lover.
Instead it’s about liberation and uniting with the divine in you. I highly recommend the book Tantra illuminated if you are curious to understand the real essence of Tantra.
Over the years there have been no shortage of Tantra teachers being involved in scandals for manipulating and sexually exploiting their students.
In a prefect world a teacher wouldn’t abuse their power and a student wouldn’t give theirs away.
Sometimes students get overtaken by the delusional vortex, which the teacher can manipulate to satisfy his or her pathological whims.
With any practice, service, or teaching there is always a shadow side. Tantra can be explored for awakening and experiencing the sexual and spiritual union or it can be exploited for the enhancement of personal power and pleasure.
I believe that a good therapist’s/teacher’s responsibility is to give you the tools necessary to heal, and evolve your own learning without having to depend on them.
It’s the student’s responsibility to apply those tools and continue to grow.
For me a good Practitioner/Teacher has very clear principles they follow:
- Never tries to impress anyone with their ‘special’ powers.
- Takes care of their own sexual needs on their own time.
- Avoids presenting themselves as the perfect example that all must follow.
- Has enough experience, self –trust and control to know how to handle any and all situations with integrity.
- Has a mature attitude to keep their position as a teacher/masseur, without seeking a more personal and intimate relationship with students.
- Does not enforce their own ideas about ‘truth’ on students. Instead they ask the right questions so the students find their own answers.
- Understands that this type of work is about healing, re-conditioning past memories, sensations and transformation.
- Guides patients/students to their own inner source of strength from where they can choose what they want and what is good for them.
Over the years I’ve learned the importance of asking the right questions and listening to their answers. More importantly I’ve learned to trust my instincts and intuition.
If something doesn’t feel right, walk away. Find another teacher/therapist. So far I’ve found these trusted masseurs who I know personally or come recommended from our trusted readers.
Tantra Massage Providers
Rahi Chun – https://somaticsexualwholeness.com/
I can’t give Rahi enough compliments, his professionalism and knowledge is incredible. He works with Men and Women and does Skype coaching as well.
Leslie Grace – http://www.lesliegracetantra.com/
Leslie and I met in New York when we were both attending Mama Gena’s School of Womanly Arts. We talked about many aspects of Tantra massages and we’re both on the same page about integrity.
Michiko – https://neotantraorgasm.com/
She comes highly recommended from a couple of our readers, she doesn’t do a lingam or yoni massage. During the session you keep your underwear on while she’s teaching you how to breath and flex your pelvic floor muscles along with other exercises.
For more body work providers check out TrustedBodyWork.
If you want to learn how to give and receive this type of massage then check out our Erotic Touch video course below.
Cover Art Credit|Unknown