In his book he recommends ‘The Tao of Health, Sex and Longevity’ by Daniel Reid.
I’ve always been open minded, but never identified as being spiritual in any way before reading this book. As I navigated the pages and explored this new world, I knew immediately that my life had changed forever.
I knew that I was living my life with my eyes closed. I had the perfect job, the perfect car, the perfect house, the perfect family, and yet I felt empty.
What set my soul on fire was the teachings of sacred sexuality, this is the moment I decided to go on a deep journey.
This started me on a path to learning about Tantra, and weeks later, I found this incredible website, Confident Lovers.
I remember sitting up all night, reading post after post, feeling like I had discovered a buried treasure, and I was hungry for more.
As I read the articles by the wonderful Christina and many of her excellent guest authors, I learned many concepts including sensual awakening, erotic touch, limiting sexual beliefs, mindful orgasms and porn addiction.
The topic that resonated most was porn addiction.
From a very young age, I’ve had a very high sex drive.
I had my first experience of self pleasure at the age of 12. I started having sexual interactions with the opposite sex at around 13, and lost my virginity at 15.
From a young age I developed a compulsive, destructive masturbation cycle while watching porn.
Fast forward to a few years and the negative relationship with sexuality continued. I had casual sex whenever and with whoever – it was soulless, performance based sex.
It always felt like an exciting thrill at first, but ultimately it left me feeling more empty and unfulfilled. I eventually got married and my marriage lasted for 4 years.
While married I felt something was missing, but I had no idea what – until I found the ancient teachings of the Tao and Tantra.
As my marriage began to fall apart and we became less and less physically connected, like many men, I fell into a cycle of: get free 5 minutes, go on Porn Hub, masturbate, ejaculate, feel relieved, feel empty, repeat.
At my worst, I was repeating this cycle 4 or 5 times per day.
I had read about semen retention through my intensive study of Tao and Tantra, but I had sub-consciously decided that this part wasn’t for me at the time, even though I resonated with the concept and it made sense.
Learning to experience orgasm without ejaculation just couldn’t be done, or could it? It turns out I was completely wrong.
The last 12 months have completely changed my life in terms of my attitude to self-pleasure.
In this strange world of Covid-19 lock down, I find myself as a recently separated, single man with a lot of time to practice and learn the arts of sacred sexuality.
So, I have taken this unique opportunity to explore and have learned a few lessons I would like to share with you below.
Since starting this process.
- I’ve completely stopped watching porn.
- I’ve beaten the constant urge to masturbate and ejaculate.
- I’ve learned to transmit orgasmic energy throughout my whole body during self pleasure (I thought this was a myth when I first started reading about it.)
- I’ve learned to love myself and to treat masturbation as a form of self- love and healing.
- I’ve discovered areas on my body that I had never realized could give me so much pleasure.
Below, I’ve outlined the steps you can follow to create an intimate, fulfilling and a loving experience with yourself.
Step 1: Learning To Love Yourself
You may be saying this is a load of hippy mumbo-jumbo. This certainly would have been my attitude in the past, but since experience is the best teacher I had nothing to lose.
I decided to try without judging.
To practice the arts of sacred sexuality we must first learn how to fully love ourselves.
For this step, take off your clothes and stand naked in front of a full-length mirror.
Begin gazing into your eyes, then take 3 deep breaths, inhale through the nose and fully exhale out of the mouth to connect to your body.
Next, start slowly scanning your body, from the tips of your toes to the crown of your head.
Embrace the parts of you that you like. The parts where you find yourself being critical, tell yourself something nice about it, learn to be kind to yourself, you are unique.
Embrace the power of positive psychology and self-love. Do this before bed or every morning.
If you can go all in on this first step, you will be on the delicious pathway to experiencing divine levels of pleasure, I promise you that!
Step 2: Set The Scene
You can’t have a sacred experience if your environment doesn’t mirror the intention.
Before you begin your self-pleasure ritual, tidy your space; cleanse your space of anything that reminds you of every day tasks.
Dim the lights, light some candles if you have them, use essential oils or incense. All of these steps create a container where you will be honoring your body and pleasure by turning off your mind.
As soon as you see your space transformed, sub-consciously, your mind, body and soul knows that something magical is about to happen.
Step 3: Touch Your Whole Body
Masturbation for the average man is a compulsion, an itch we need to scratch.
Art By| Goodvin Nerko
It’s said that women experience sexuality through the mind, body and soul first, and then through the yoni (the sanskrit word for vagina).
Therefore, it’s much more difficult for a woman to achieve a divine orgasmic release without being mentally and emotionally connected.
For men, it’s said that we experience our sexuality through the lingam first (the sanskrit word for penis) and then through the mind, body and soul.
Though the reality is, most of us go through life without ever getting to the mind, body, soul element.
What most of us don’t understand is that an ejaculation is not necessarily an orgasm.
Sure it feels good for the seconds where the 5-15 powerful contractions are occurring, but it quickly passes.
Then we can be left with a feeling of calming release, but also with a feeling of complete emptiness and maybe even sadness.
Orgasm without ejaculation for a man is felt throughout the entire body. It’s the point where we surrender to a higher power.
It’s an earth shattering, spiritually awakening release of bliss that moves within us, out of us and all around us – sound too good to be true? I thought so as well.
The sad truth is that many of us will go through our entire lives without ever experiencing a full and juicy orgasm.
That’s because orgasm for men can only be experienced sensually – the practice of complete surrender and not chasing ejaculation.
In my first experience of tantric massage, the pleasure was developed slowly by stroking, brushing and awakening the entire body.
The orgasmic energy builds before the lingam has even been touched or explored. Once we start exploring the lingam, we play with a practice called edging.
This is a practice where you built intense arousal and back away and you do this multiple times before finally unleashing the full potential of orgasmic pleasure, with or without ejaculation.
To try this at home, lubricate your hands with massage oil or lotion.
Rub your hands together to warm the oil, put one hand on your heart and the other hand just below your belly button (around the base of your solar plexus and tip of your sacral energy center).
Start by making yourself present with 3 full breaths of inhale and exhale.
Begin, moving the oil around your chest, neck and shoulders using delicate circular motions. Try to fully engage with your touch, this may feel weird and uncomfortable in the beginning as it did for me.
Breathe and try to embrace everything that you are feeling. Use a gentle, soft caress as if you were touching and savoring your lovers sensuous, beautiful skin.
As you feel the energy build, move down to your groin and begin stimulating the inside of your thighs.
At this point, you may feel the erotic energy build to a higher level and your lingam may become engorged with blood.
If you don’t feel that happen, that’s fine as well. Trust your own experience. It’s all normal and it can take time to become fully engaged with the process.
Step 4: Re-Introduce Yourself To Your Lingam
If you feel comfortable, start stroking your lingam in long, lingering touches.
The key here is not to do it fast for the sake of releasing. Pull your foreskin back (if you have one) to expose the head of the lingam.
With a well-oiled hand, stimulate the glans of the penis and frenulum (aka trigger point). This area is packed with nerve endings and is your first male sacred spot.
Many refer to this area as the male clitoris and once you discover it, it’s easy to see why. Use the palm of your hand or your fingertips to stimulate this area by stroking or rubbing.
Feel the pleasures, experiment with a variety of touch – soft, firm, light strokes, whatever you feel like doing. If it’s the first time you have touched this area consciously, you may feel the urge to ejaculate very quickly.
If this happens, breathe deeply and go back to touching other parts of your body until the urge to ejaculate subsides.
Make sure that your hand is well lubricated with this technique to avoid irritation of the sensitive skin at the tip of your penis.
Next, rub your hand over your scrotum. You can use your forearm to brush the glans of your penis if that feels pleasurable to you.
You can also try using your nails on your scrotum to stimulate different types of pleasure – tug, stretch, pull, get creative and explore.
Then, move to your the area between your scrotum and your anal opening. This is the second male sacred spot and is such a sensitive area to touch.
It can feel sensual, tickle and highly erotic. Gently touch and caress this area to build suspense.
When you are ready, experiment with some firmer touch. By using a firmer touch, you can stimulate the male prostate gland.
Your third male sacred spot. This is a highly erogenous spot for many men as there are many nerve endings, this is why it’s called the male G-spot.
This sacred area can also be stimulated by anal penetration, but if you are not yet ready to take that step then applying pressure externally to the perineum is a great option.
When stimulated, the prostate gland alone can bring you to a powerful and pleasurable orgasm with an intensely unique ejaculation experience.
Finding this area when self-pleasuring was mind altering and life changing for me, like so many men, I had a real mental block when it came to thinking of my anus as a source of pleasure.
In fact, I would flinch whenever a partner would try to touch, stroke, or pleasure that area of my body. Exploring on my own felt much safer and I could go at my own pace.
Try stimulating your frenulum and perineum at the same time and feel the intense orgasmic energy build.
If you are not yet ready to ejaculate, be very careful when performing this technique as it’s immensely powerful and so easy to push yourself past the tipping point into release.
If you feel comfortable, start caressing the anal opening with your fingertips. The skin here can be a real source of pleasure if you surrender to it.
Please ensure that this area is clean to avoid any cross contamination of bacteria in this incredibly sensitive area of the body.
Finally, if you feel comfortable, insert a well-lubricated finger into you anus and explore this space until you find the area of extreme pleasure.
I have to confess, I’m not at the point where I find this sexually arousing or comfortable right now, but I am open to exploring this further in the future with a guide so maybe that will be another post at a later time.
After you have explored all of these regions, it’s time to freestyle.
Explore this new world of self-pleasure in your own way, enjoy it as this is a gift you are giving to yourself.
The key to lasting longer in bed or during self-pleasure is:
When I first started practicing these techniques, there were so many times that I would tell myself that I was going to edge multiple times and leave my session without ejaculating, only to find myself ejecting my load on the second attempt.
This often left me feeling like I had failed, weak and frustrated.
Just remember that this is not a quest for perfection – this is a process of exploration and discovery.
What’s interesting is that as time goes on and you become more proficient and experienced in these techniques, you may actually decide that you don’t feel the need to ejaculate during self- pleasure.
This my friends is when you know you are on the path to sacred sexuality.
More recently, I am finding that I am able to produce the blissful, convulsive energy of orgasm in my body (and I mean that literally) without excreting any semen at all.
That being said, I love the feeling of ejaculation when it feels right and I’m not yet convinced of the Taoist masters philosophy who believe that each time we release our sacred fluid we move closer to death.
If it does, it’s a risk that I’m willing to take.
Before we move to the next step, I want to share with you, something that a powerful goddess in my life recently shared with me.
She said, ‘ride that wave of pleasure – it’s about touch, without agenda to climax’. How beautiful is that?
Step 5: Breathe The Energy Around Your Body
The real key to achieving full body orgasmic bliss states are in the breath. If you are new to breath work, here is a great practice you can follow to engage the breath and body.
When you exhale visualize the orgasmic energy spreading all throughout your body. With practice, you become more heightened to experiencing the flow of energy all over your body.
When I began this process, I genuinely didn’t feel this was possible, but be patient and over time, it will happen for you. Trust the process.
Step 6: Release Yourself Of Judgment – Prepare To Fail
Nobody becomes an expert at this over night. Mastery of the sacred sexual arts takes years, not days.
It’s a process and journey that we should be on for the rest of our lives and an area where we should aim to constantly learn and develop.
When you first start, it may feel awkward or uncomfortable. Embrace these feelings.
Trust that this is normal. If it feels uncomfortable, start with 5 minutes and build up. It’s your body – this is your sacred practice.
If you ejaculate prematurely, don’t worry. It doesn’t mean you failed or that you aren’t good at self-pleasure.
Often, us men are competitive with others and ourselves. Free yourself from the pressure to perform. Enjoy your process, enjoy your practice, enjoy your experience, enjoy the bliss of being totally present in your body.
Step 7: Experiencing Ecstasy
Congratulations! If you have made it this far then you are ready to experience the pure ecstasy of divine, blissful, orgasmic energy.
Perform the full routine, follow the steps and allow yourself to release in a moment of joy and pleasure. You will experience the most powerful orgasmic contractions you have ever had.
You may feel the energy all over your body immediately, or it may take practice.
In my case, along with the pelvic floor training that I have being doing for the past 12 months, I am experiencing more powerful orgasmic contractions than I thought possible (with or without ejaculation), my semen volume has increased dramatically and propels itself away from the head of my lingam in pure delight of release.
After I self-pleasure, I feel an incredible sense of self-love, joy, calm, relaxation and connection to the earth, my body and my soul.
Once you experience true male orgasm, you will never be able to return to your former patterns. The days of compulsive masturbation will be in the past. No longer will you chase soulless release.
No longer will you need pornography to stimulate your mind, you will stimulate your own mind. You will be able to experience a higher power – a divine bliss state.
You will be able to satisfy yourself and your lover for as long as you like, without fear of performance or premature release – developing the ability to release only when you are ready, or choosing to keep that power within.
This is not something that is limited to the enlightened few, it’s available to anyone who is willing to put in the commitment, time and effort to practice these arts.
My journey with tantra gave me this beautiful gift. I now pass that gift on to you.
Leave your thoughts below and if you want to connect with me personally, please feel free at firstname.lastname@example.org.