There comes a time in our life whether we are single or in a relationship where our body goes into shutdown mode and doesn’t want to respond sexually.
While there are many health and non-health related reasons why this can happen, consider all the things we sometimes drag into bed with us.
If thoughts and feelings had physical shapes, you would see some of us going to bed thinking about business related decisions, guilt, shame, a creative project we are working on, baggage belonging to ex-lovers, ghosts from childhood and so much more.
How can we feel aroused and sexual when we can’t fully relax into our body because we are constantly distracted by our thoughts?
The constant distraction can sometimes cause the body to go into shutdown mode, unable to respond to pleasure and arousal.
For many people the unresponsiveness can also be related to physical imbalances such as nutritional deficiencies, hormone imbalance, physical exhaustion, body issues, etc…
Almost all men at some point in their lives experience the awkward situation in which they are unable to get an erection or their erection goes soft during sex.
The occasional inability to have an erection may be caused by what psychologist Bernie Zilbergeld calls the “wisdom of the penis.”
This is when your intelligent penis is trying to tell you that there is something that needs to be addressed in your relationship, your health, or your life.
It may also be a sign that you are distracted or pressured by what’s going on in your work or life.
The lack of desire or unresponsiveness can also stem from a health issue, too many responsibilities, a packed schedule, stress, sadness and the list goes on.
There can be many reasons why our bodies don’t open to pleasure or orgasm. Here are a few reasons to consider:
In a course of a relationship we sometimes tend to carry accumulated resentments that can involve small but constant disagreements.
This can easily result in not having any sexual desire for our lover because we have gotten to the point of resenting them and therefore don’t feel sexual desire towards them.
Sexual desire is fragile and if those resentments multiply over time it can cause big emotional stress if we don’t address it.
2) Relaxation, Sleep, & Nurture
Being burned out and not giving yourself enough time to rest and replenish can leave you with no energy for sex, especially if you are drained in the evening and have no desire or energy to have sex.
Nutritional deficiencies (vitamins and minerals) such as low levels of zinc, bloating, low blood sugar, low thyroid, and feeling irritable is a good recipe for not being “in the mood.” Your irritable mood can rub off on your lover as well.
It’s important to eat foods that make you feel energized, healthy, and clear headed instead of foods that are draining you.
3) Body Tension
When we have pain or muscular tension in our body, the flow of energy can either be blocked or interrupted at the point of tension.
Wilhelm Reich was the first Western scientist to demonstrate that if bodily tensions are released, there will be an improvement in the flow of sensations that he called “streamings.”
Eastern mystics have known these methods for a long time. The more energy blocks you dissolve the lighter you feel.
Sometimes you it feels like an intense sensation of being relaxed.
4) Medications & Lack of Sensations
Unlike Viagra – prescriptions like anti-depressants, psychiatric medications, tranquilizers, can deplete sexual desire and the ability to achieve an orgasm.
Sexual side effects from medications may vary depending on the individual, but if you think you are experiencing side effects from your medications, then switching your drug or treatment might me the best option to minimize your sexual side effects.
5) Illness & Injury
During an illness or injury, the body is using it’s energy to heal itself, leaving less energy for other activities including sex.
When the body is ill or injured we experience pain, which suppresses the libido. For most people injuries and illnesses can be depressing, and depression is a major libido destroyer.
When faced with an illness or injury, how a person approaches the healing can make all the difference.
Some people say things like “I know what I can’t do, but I am going to focus on what I can do.” While others say, “I can no longer have sex, I am done.”
It is said that the body is full of wisdom, and when we are out of balance in other parts of our life it can show up physically, emotionally, mentally, and in our energy levels.
Despite maintaining a healthy body and respecting the healing forces of nature, it’s also important to give the body specific tools/treatments that help the process.
Homeopathy, acupuncture, naturopathy, and many other natural remedies that nourish and nurture the body’s own wisdom are good first steps to initiate a deeper healing beyond a symptomatic relief.