One of our deepest cravings with another person is the desire for intimacy.

What is Intimacy?


The conventional definition of intimacy mimics romantic infatuation, but that’s not the only meaning. Like other words in the English language, intimacy, has many meanings and takes on many forms.

Intimacy can include:

  • Being childlike and natural together, rolling around in bed, pillow fighting, or tickling each other like children.
  • Comfortably letting down our guard by putting aside our armor.  Creating a safe space that allows each person to show their soft spots by sharing sadness, success, laughs, tears, hurts, and joy.
  • Sharing our ideas, feelings, thoughts, and opinions without judgment.  Celebrating our similarities and accepting our differences. Planning a life together with a shared vision rooted in strength and love.

Many people believe that sex is the quickest way to open the door to intimacy, and feel frustrated when the other person remains distant after they’ve ‘made love.’

In reality, what we haven’t been taught is that it’s not sex that opens the door to intimacy, but it’s intimacy that opens the door to amazing lovemaking.

Intimacy, therefore, is not purely physical. It’s the act of connecting with someone so deeply – you feel like you can see into their soul – (In-to-me-see).

A lot of people describe their most wild or erotic sexual experiences as “great sex.” But – very few people have had the pleasure of actually experiencing great lovemaking.

Great sex mainly focuses on physical stimulation and a nervous system response. This type of sex is quantity over quality, it’s physically intense and stimulating, but emotionally and spiritually empty.

Truly great lovemaking incorporates body, mind, and spirit. It’s often indescribable, like a deep meditation experience.

It’s depth can be mystical because there is love, passion, trust, caring, and intimacy being shared.

When sex is charged with love, caring, and intimacy, our body armor melts away and we become wide open to possibilities we never imagined.

Sex without love and intimacy can be great, but it’s only sex. There is no caring or deep feelings for the other person. There is no emotional investment.

It can be erotic, pleasurable, playful, and breathtaking, but it will be limited, defined by the limits of physical sensation.

I am NOT saying that having sex with no strings attached is bad, because it’s not. It’s a natural and primal expression of our raw animalistic nature.

“Physical…sex doesn’t even come close to the incredible bliss of Heaven. It’s very similar to a narcotic. Heaven, on the other hand, is a perfect, indescribable ecstasy that never ceases….Imagine the very peak of a perfect sexual orgasm, except this orgasm never stops. It keeps going on forever with no decrease in its powerful and flawless intensity.” – Gary Renard

It’s easy to take off our clothes and have sex. In fact, people do it all the time, but opening up our soul to someone, letting them into our spirit, thoughts, fears, future, hopes, dreams… that’s being naked.

To be intimate with someone can be fun, scary, rare, and worthwhile, because we are exposing all sides of ourselves. There is no privacy, we are unguarded, naked and open.

Part of human love is mysterious and magical – it goes beyond our control. At the same time the most important ingredient of human love is intimacy.

Cover Photo Credit | Artem Rhads Cheboha