One of my friends is going through a divorce and he keeps saying, “The vibrator ruined my marriage.”

Of course this is not exactly a true statement as there are many variables that lead to a breakup or a divorce.

But why do so many married women use vibrators or rely on them for sexual pleasure?

There is definitely no ‘one’ answer and there can be multiple reasons why married women still choose to use their vibrators.

It also doesn’t make its use right or wrong.

A woman expresses her inner feelings through her sexual body. 

Most men don’t understand how this works because they are frustrated that a woman can’t be more expressive or be more precise in guiding him to her pleasure and desire.

What most men don’t realize is that they seek responses in masculine formats, tangible answers that are vocalized.

He asks, “Where’s the spot? Is this the spot?”

But her body is speaking through movement and energy exchange. Not words.

She speaks the language of body talk – seductive, sensual, rejecting, hesitant, reserved or fully turned on.

The feminine is not designed to be concrete. That’s more of a masculine trait.

She is designed to hold the center for the masculine, and in order to do this she has to be internal.

Her sexual experiences are intimately personal and fundamental to her happiness.

Focusing on the Joy of the Other

A few months ago one of our readers wrote this beautiful email to us.

“I remember attending a wedding some years ago and the priest said something truly profound that I believe has bearing on your discussion and just about every experience we have along our journey.

The priest proclaimed that “a perfect marriage comes from the husband waking in the morning and asking himself, “How can I make my wife happy today? What will please her?”

And similarly the wife waking in the morning and asking herself the very same question, “How can I make my husband happy today? What will please him?”

These questions are selfless and focused on the empowerment and joy of the other person.

Unfortunately, our civilization and society encourages a rather more selfish mindset, one that tends to ask, “How can my husband please me?”

When both partners are pulling their energy towards themselves, the relationship in all facets ends up being a tug of war, a negotiation and compromise.

This is the same energy we bring to sex, “How will it be for me?”

The laws of attraction are a little misunderstood by our grasping minds.

We think we will receive the things to which we give most of our attention and focus.

Spiritual wisdom however shows us that you attract what you are, not what you desire.

If you want or desire truly meaningful, connected, beautiful sex, you have to be ready, able and willing to give it first.

Yes, it helps to have a partner who’s connected to that same energy and is equally able to contribute, but if we wait for inspiration and commitment from our partners before we are willing to give it, we are operating from a poverty mentality, not an abundance mindset.

If you want love, be loving.

If we think about it, this is true of most experiences in life.

The old cliché rings true; “You get out what you put in!”

Two people can encounter the very same circumstances or experience but one enters it with caution, trepidation or negativity because of previous experiences and programming.

The other enters it with enthusiasm, joyous expectations and positivity; it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand who will have the more rewarding experience.

I love the ideas expressed in “sacred sexuality“.

But we all possess the capacity to connect profoundly through sex if we open ourselves to our own innate creativity and to our giving energies.

Sacred Sexuality, unlike religions, is a bridge to the divine.

We should use whatever bridge is most useful but never forget that after we’ve crossed the bridge, there’s a deep, loving, blissful connection with another soul that awaits us.

Don’t get stuck on the bridge!

Mastery of sacred sexuality while tremendously beneficial, is not in and of itself of much meaning if it does not deepen your connection with your soul mate or partner.

It’s the same as being very religious without being an inherently kind person.

Sacred sexuality is, to me, very simple.

It’s all about the energy you project and about wanting to give rather than focusing solely on receiving joy.

If we can embrace this fundamental point of reference in a sexual relationship, we are more than halfway to a blissful experience.

Is A Vibrator To Blame?

Vibrators are tools that some women choose to use to express and enjoy their sexuality in conjunction to sex. It’s neither bad or good – it’s a matter of personal preference.

Vibrators don’t have to ruin marriages and shouldn’t be feared by men, especially if both parties communicate openly and want the best for their partners.

Image Credit | alejandro_galindo

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