I had no idea what the difference was between sex vs. making love until I was 23.
I was in a relationship with an older gentleman at the time who asked me “what’s your definition of making love? I replied, rose petals and candlelight.
He said “that’s your definition of making love? Wow, there is a lot I need to teach you.”
Clearly I was missing the emotional experience of sex that’s shared between two people who love and care for one another.
As a teenager my only reference to sex was porn, that’s how I learned how to have sex. So my idea of sex was based on ‘porn style sex’ – fake moans, fake orgasms, and it would have to be done fast and hard.
As I grew in my knowledge and experiences, I now have a very clear understanding of how sex and making love are very different experiences and expressions of sexuality.
Sex is bio-mechanical and instinctive, we all know how to ‘do it.’ Love making is slow, sensual, non goal oriented which allows us to experience the metaphysical being of oneness, this type of love making is truly an art in it’s self.
Sex vs. Making Love
What’s your motivation?
Do you want to have a physical experience with no emotional connection or do you want to be intimate and express passionate LOVE to reach new depths with your lover?
Sex can be a physical thrill for a night or a few encounters, but lovemaking can be an ongoing ecstatic adventure full of discoveries. Most of us can feel the difference.
Sex is a simple physical act, so simple that even animals do it. But lovemaking is an expression of LOVE. It’s a desire to communicate the love you have for the other person non-verbally.
To better explain the difference, lets put them into two categories:
- Heights of Sex
- Depths of Making Love
The heights of sex, generally focuses on stimulation and nervous system response. This type of sex is commonly expressed by only a physical experience and is measured by the intensity and quantity of stimulation.
The depths of making love encourages both partners to make use of their minds, bodies, and souls to access each other’s heart.
This type of love – making allows each partner to explore hidden inhibitions that may arise during a truly intimate experience.
Lovemaking is about your lover’s mind, body and soul, the whole person, not just their body.
It’s very easy and ordinary to just have sex, but to know how to deeply connect and open up with another human being without any inhibitions takes a lot of trust, vulnerability and commitment.
Sex without love is not lovemaking. The best part about lovemaking is that it becomes effortless, because you are not thinking about what Olympic – style performance to put on.
There’s a huge difference in sex and making love. We have sex with someone who can satisfy us physically, but we make love to someone who can satisfy us soulfully and eternally.
Feeling The Difference
Once you realize the fine-line between making love and having sex, you will understand the meaning of life! Life isn’t only about survival, it’s about living and so is making love.
We have sex to satisfy our lust and hunger, which is nothing but survival, but we make love to feed our soul and our mind, to fill a void that longs for a partner and that needs someone whom we want to spend the next morning with!
When you have sex just for physical pleasure, there are times when we feel ashamed or guilt, but when you make love to someone who means everything to you, you are always proud of it.
You never regret the time and the moments spent with that person. You will always rejoice it and remember it with equal passion and joy.
The best part of lovemaking with the right person is that as your love grows, so does your passion. Just like fine wine, it tastes better when it’s aged.
Over time, you learn about each other’s favorite sweet spots as months and years pass.
I am not at all saying that having sex is bad, because it’s not. It just depends on what you want from the experience. Be true to your lover, but most importantly be true to yourself.
“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” ~Alan Cohen