I had no idea what the difference was between sex vs. making love until I was 23.

I was in a relationship with an older gentleman at the time who asked me “what’s your definition of making love? I said, rose petals and candlelight.

He said, “that’s your definition of making love? I have a lot to teach you.”

Clearly I was missing a few key essentials:

  • Safety
  • Trust
  • Surrender

Along with the slowness and openness that comes from sharing this beautiful experience. As a teenager my only reference to sex was porn, that’s how I learned how to have sex.

So my idea of sex was based on ‘porn style sex’ – fake moans, fake orgasms, and it would have to be done fast and hard.

As I grew in my knowledge and experiences, I now have a very clear understanding of how sex and making love are very different experiences and expressions of sexuality.

Sex is bio-mechanical and instinctive, we all know how to ‘do it.’

Love making is slow, sensual, non goal oriented which allows us to experience the transcendent states of pleasure – this type of love making is truly an art in it’s self.

Sex vs. Making Love

What’s your motivation?

Do you want to have a physical experience with no emotional connection or do you want to be intimate and express passionate LOVE to reach new depths with your lover?

One is NOT better than the other – it’s a different feeling and experience. Most of us can feel the difference.

To better explain the difference, lets put them into two categories:

  • Heights of Sex
  • Depths of Making Love

The heights of sex, generally focuses on stimulation and nervous system response.

This type of sex is commonly expressed by only a physical experience and is measured by the intensity and quantity of stimulation.

The depths of making love encourages both partners to make use of their minds, bodies, and souls to access each other’s heart.

This type of love – making allows each partner to explore hidden inhibitions that may arise during a truly intimate experience.

Lovemaking is about your lover’s mind, body and soul, the whole person, not just their body.

Sex is a simple physical act, so simple that even animals do it. But lovemaking is an expression of LOVE. It’s a desire to communicate the love you have for the other person non-verbally.

To deeply connect and open up with another human being without any inhibitions takes a lot of trust, vulnerability and commitment.

The best part about lovemaking is that it becomes effortless, because there is no thinking about what Olympic – style performance to put on.

Feeling The Difference

Sex satisfies our lust and hunger for physical pleasure.

We make love because we are hardwired for pleasure, intimacy, and connection. We open up to be seen, valued, and accepted.

We get to share all characteristics of our being – emotional, energetic, mental, spiritual, and physical. This is what gives us a deep and full experience.

One experience is not superior over another, it’s about enjoying all the pleasures sexuality has to offer and allowing ourselves to express our sexuality in a way that nourishes us instead of hurting us or leaving us feeling empty.

“It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.” ~Alan Cohen

 

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