We all want shortcuts. How can we not?
Many of us live a fast paced lifestyle and every time we watch TV or search for something online we are presented with another life hack for mastering something in 5 minutes or less.
And while some hacks may work great for mastering certain skills, great relationships don’t just happen by luck or a simple hack.
Many of us are curious about life and are constantly evolving ourselves.
Self-improvement never stops. It is a lifelong process if you are truly committed to becoming the best version of yourself.
James Altucher says we should always seek to become 1% better every day.
It might not sound like much, but over a year, a 1% improvement in any area of life adds up to massive improvement.
Today, I am going to share with you four habits that have made a huge difference in my relationship.
These habits didn’t come naturally – I chose to adopt and stick with them.
1) Real Communication
It all starts with communication! Communicating means taking an active role in your relationship and the outcomes of, well, everything!
Real and honest communication is a skill that needs to be practiced, over and over again.
It may not come easily for people who never felt heard as a child or are afraid to speak up for themselves and say what they really feel.
The key to real communication is creating a safe, loving space within your relationship where you can both feel heard.
Saying what you need to say can be scary at times because we are all afraid of hurting the other person, but not nearly as scary as bottling everything up.
2) Learning About Her Sexuality
This is a big one for me. I didn’t learn about a woman’s sexuality until I was in my late 20’s when I met my ex-girlfriend.
She was sexually powerful and knew exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it.
Her knowledge and experiences were way more advanced than mine and I felt insecure.
And because I felt insecure I could never please her. I knew I had to learn about female sexuality.
Using porn as an educational tool was the worst thing I could have done.
Porn is not sex ed. Porn is entertainment. Watching porn didn’t teach me anything about making love or about a woman’s body.
Instead, that relationship taught me that asking questions and listening are the first steps to learning what your partner likes, needs and wants.
But having an understanding of the female sexual anatomy can help you understand how a woman experiences pleasure.
This will not only boost your confidence, but it will increase her trust in you and allow her to relax into the experience of love making.
3) Give For The Sake Of Giving
Why is this so important? Because giving without wanting anything in return is a simple act of kindness.
While I was doing this in all areas of my relationship I was missing one key area.
As Alison Armstrong explains, many women won’t fully enjoy you going down on them if they feel they have to return the favor.
But if you tell them you don’t want them to return the favor, they can fully relax and receive the pleasure you give them.
I can’t stress the importance of this.
If you feel your needs aren’t being met, that is a conversation that needs to take place before sex.
Giving a woman oral pleasure in a round-about attempt to have her return the favor will lead to frustration and disappointment for both of you.
Communicate clearly by, having the difficult conversations with your partner (not your friends or her friends).
Giving fully without expectation has been very rewarding for me and it has taken a lot of pressure off my partner.
4) Accept Your Partner As They Are
When I was uncomfortable in my own skin and didn’t accept myself fully, I couldn’t accept others as they were either – let alone my partner.
I would always find faults and flaws with her.
But when I finally got to the point of accepting myself, loving myself and understood my flaws, I didn’t need my partner to change any more. I accepted her as she was too.
Accepting myself allowed me to release my false expectations of my partner and accept her fully.
And you know what? Something beautiful happened when I started doing this.
Her quirks, her crooked smile, her furled brow when she’s super focused – I found these unique qualities about her to be her sexiest features.
So ask the tough questions. Listen to her answers. Have the knot-in-the-stomach producing conversations.
And keep learning and improving yourself. Because ultimately that’s what will create a solid and loving bond.
“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~Emily Kimbrough
Cover Art By|Eugenia Loli