Consciously deciding to be celibate for a certain amount of time is a very different approach than a prisoners dilemma, religious suppression or not having a lover.
This wasn’t an easy decision but I felt at my core I was ready to temporarily give up what I enjoyed most to really appreciate and understand the depths of this powerful force we call sexual energy.
Making this unpopular choice and going against natural cravings was a lot easier than I thought.
On June 5, 2020 (full moon) I decided to take a 7-month celibacy vow.
I didn’t give up self-pleasure though, that was very much part of the whole experiment.
My intention wasn’t to suppress this energy, instead it was to learn the potency, depths and how to transform it.
Transforming simply means learning to move this energy toward a new dimension so it doesn’t get stuck in the genitals and become a painful or a frustrating experience.
There were days when I self-pleasured with extended orgasms and there were days when I edged without orgasming, instead I took a few deep breaths and allowed that energy to flow through my entire body.
Three months into it, I felt powerful and liberated.
I felt powerful because I no longer felt the ‘need’ to feed this hunger. It’s very similar to when I fasted and didn’t eat any food for 5 days. The body recalibrates, there is no more pain felt because of habitual impulses.
I felt Liberated, because that potent impulse felt in my genitals no longer had power over me. It didn’t control me. I was in charge of it and I chose where to direct it.
I had a few major realizations and questions:
1) Sex is a playful and biological force. When done unconsciously there is no growth, self – awareness or aliveness.
The significance of sexual expression is to access higher dimensions. If this isn’t true, then all porn stars would be enlightened.
2) Pleasure is a gift from God, pain cannot exist when the body is filled with pleasure.
3) The strongest energy that can be formed in the body is sexual energy, but when it’s not channeled or moved the energy gets stuck in the genitals and wants to be released. Belly dancing and deep breathing helped me move this energy and my body felt so light.
1. What makes sex sacred?
2. My pleasure isn’t dependent on anyone else, but can I really experience the true depths of sexuality, love and intimacy without another? This still remains a mystery for me.
Suppression Vs. Indulgence
Sex has the power to be an illusion and liberation, depending on our level of awareness.
Through out centuries there’s been a tendency to swing between suppression and indulgence.
When suppressing such a powerful force the spirit has no opportunity to experience expansiveness.
How can we ever discover the potential of what sexuality is if it’s repressed?
Continuous indulgence creates mechanical habits and the body becomes numb to subtle sensations, just like those who “have” to drink coffee in the morning to wakeup and function. There is a big difference between creating a habit and a craving.
Osho said it best, “If you don’t follow suppression but follow indulgence, you will become like an animal—beautiful, more beautiful than so-called civilized man, but just animals—not alert, not aware, not conscious of the possibility of growth, of the human potential.
That wild animal is not rejected and denied. He is there—richer, because he is more alert. Once the energy is transformed, nature and God meet in you—nature with its beauty, God with total grace.”
Just like a lotus flower blossoming from the deep, rich mud into which she plunges her roots and draws great nourishment, I did this experiment without the intention of achieving anything.
The intention was to feel and understand the deep nourishing force of sexual energy.
Will I try another celibacy experiment? Sure, when my body asks for it.
William Cowper said it best, “Variety is the spice of life that gives it all it’s flavors.”
We each have our own unique path and desires to explore. Life is a great mystery and we are here to enjoy our own spontaneity.
If you’ve gone through a celibacy phase, share your experience below.